[Woah, are you worried about him, Vriska, that's kind of cute.
Well, she's not entirely wrong to be. Because he'd very much like to be able to do—something. Stupid or otherwise. Almost anything would be better than this. He doesn't immediately answer. She can probably feel him grinding his teeth in the silence between texts.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org you think we should sit back and take it instead
[They don't have a choice, for several already-demonstrated reasons. But it's vent his frustrations or let them crack and shatter his already fragile caution, right now.]
[ what, no, shut up, she'd never care about this stupid asshole or his safety or state of being dead or not!!!!!!
Except of course she is. However sour things went between them, a piece of her still respects Eren and would like to see him not get Optimus Prime'd. ]
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Frankly? Yes.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I know that isn't the answer you want to hear, and isn't remotely the answer you'll accept!
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
8ut think a8out the alternative, Eren. Right now, when all the instructors are already pissed that so many people failed.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I know it sucks. 8elieve it or not, I pro8a8ly 8eat you out on the rage meter when I first found out what was going on.
[There's a whole lot of people counting on Eren not to get himself Optimus Prime'd. And it's a testament to how seriously he takes that responsibility that he hasn't made more waves, gotten himself chucked out the nearest airlock or at the nearest mountain. A crash course in playing the long game.
But it's killing him, running cracks through his restraint and his principles and his foundations and probably what passes for his damn sanity. (Such as it was at the start.)
It's not the answer he wants to hear, not the one he's going to accept. He doesn't have any better ideas, because they are just that powerless in the face of it, their enemy is just that far away, just that out of reach. And the places he usually turns for better ideas are either gone (Armin. Levi.) or they've been telling him the same damn thing Vriska is. For months.
(How long are they supposed to wait?)
The growing silence between texts is tense. Maybe a little worrisome. It's been a long day, and the resounding nothing they can do about this has hit him hard.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org I won't forget it
[Whatever this is really for, it's meant to make an impression. A threat or a warning, a display of power. He won't forget it. No matter how long they have to wait and sit and take it. It's an injustice he'll pay back a thousandfold as soon as he has half a chance. For every one of their comrades who'd been wronged, (kidnapped, tortured, killed,) on the whims of their employers.]
Eren at a loss for words is something of a marvel. He rants and raves and yells and vents his feelings and generally isn't very quiet about anything he ever does. This is strange. It's unnerving. She doesn't like it.
She likes even less that seeing him like this makes her a little unhappy. ]
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
This is really getting to you, isn't it.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I know you won't forget it. The truth is that I also know you're not actually an idiot.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
You're a good person. So I know this must 8e eating you alive! Especially with your whole justice thing.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Look. I know I have 8een really shitty to you for a long time, and you haven't really deserved it? It's not like I don't get why you act the way you do.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
So I'm sorry for 8eing such a 8itch to you all this time.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
You'll get through this, Eren. Just like you've gotten through everything else.
["Eating you alive" is incredibly unfortunate phrasing from his perspective. Please be more culturally sensitive, tbh.
It's really getting to him. A year of biting his tongue and bowing his head is getting to him. Eren feels very strongly, he wears his biases and his opinions on his sleeves, he has almost no emotional filter or armor when it really comes down to it. And even if it can drag him down some days, he's come to use that, weaponize it. What's wearing him down is not his hate. In the end, it boils down to being powerless. He can't stand it, can't abide it. There is nothing that he hates (or fears) more than being unable to change a damn thing while people are imprisoned, dying, while world crashes down around them.
He lets the messages ping one by one into his inbox until she's done—she's quick at it, and she likes to hear herself talk, he remembers from the few conversations they'd had before they'd put bad blood between them. She'd kept her distance, since then, and he hadn't gone out of his way to seek her out. It's gone on for months, because Vriska is proud and Eren is spiteful, and the friction that had sparked it was not petty to start.
He's not really mad at her anymore. He was not expecting an apology. It's unexpectedly candid and weirdly sort of sweet in a blunt way, and he doesn't quite have the social wherewithal to accept it gracefully. But he knocks his head back against the hull of his rover, huffs a breath out through his teeth. Takes a moment to expel his aggravation before he answers.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org I'm not on the list, Vriska
[What he means is I'll be fine. With a third of the crew getting tortured half to death, she probably has better places to expend her worry.]
It's a funny sentiment to get, not least because Eren's actually really shit at making friends. (And thus greatly values the ones he has, does not let them go easy.) His general method is to go through enough terrible shit with someone until they end up with...something.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org I'm not mad at you
[Not at her, not anymore. He's got a lot of other things to be mad about, and the situation that had put them at arms had been a real shit one. It was only later that he was given enough context to understand that, to decide she'd been wronged by the CDC the same as the victims of the exercise had been. Though by then the damage had been done.
A few months of bigger problems helps to cool off.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org I was being an asshole. Forget it.
[She wasn't the only one being stubborn. He knows when to admit that, sometimes. (So yeah. Maybe they can try to be friends again. Or whatever they were before. Friends, or comrades, or...something.)]
I guess I am sort of surprised to hear that. You struck me as the type of person to hold a grudge.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Hey........ can I tell you something? A8out that day. I was going to explain a lot sooner, 8ut I never really got a chance. Mostly 8ecause I was too pissed at you to 8other.
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org I didn't say I wasn't holding a grudge
[Just not against her, not anymore. Because the thing is, he is that type of person. But he's also particular about the grudges he holds. His focus is cast a lot wider than her. At the people who are really to blame for all this.
[What the CDC did to them on Ajna was both cruel and unusual. Most of the time he'd find it vindicating to hear that the people who had been killed had managed to steal something back, as small as it was. But they were stealing it from the wrong people.
He runs the conversation over again in his head. It was ages ago, but it had stuck with him. All of Ajna did.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org ok
[It doesn't come off as much, in response to all that text. But honestly, he appreciates her being straight with him. It isn't often that people make sure he gets the whole story. Even if it's taken months.
By way of a "thanks", and in some of his own odd measure of reassurance—]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org it won't happen again.
[The CDC can't keep ordering people to take their comrades out and expect it to fly. Blackmail or not, they won't stand for it. Not a second time.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
However long they tell us to, o8viously! Where the fuck have you 8een?
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
8ut a little more seriously, you haven't actually done anything stupid, right?
no subject
Well, she's not entirely wrong to be. Because he'd very much like to be able to do—something. Stupid or otherwise. Almost anything would be better than this. He doesn't immediately answer. She can probably feel him grinding his teeth in the silence between texts.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
you think we should sit back and take it instead
[They don't have a choice, for several already-demonstrated reasons. But it's vent his frustrations or let them crack and shatter his already fragile caution, right now.]
no subject
Except of course she is. However sour things went between them, a piece of her still respects Eren and would like to see him not get Optimus Prime'd. ]
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Frankly? Yes.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I know that isn't the answer you want to hear, and isn't remotely the answer you'll accept!
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
8ut think a8out the alternative, Eren. Right now, when all the instructors are already pissed that so many people failed.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I know it sucks. 8elieve it or not, I pro8a8ly 8eat you out on the rage meter when I first found out what was going on.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Or do you have a 8etter idea?
I'm sorry I'm the worst at text spam
But it's killing him, running cracks through his restraint and his principles and his foundations and probably what passes for his damn sanity. (Such as it was at the start.)
It's not the answer he wants to hear, not the one he's going to accept. He doesn't have any better ideas, because they are just that powerless in the face of it, their enemy is just that far away, just that out of reach. And the places he usually turns for better ideas are either gone (Armin. Levi.) or they've been telling him the same damn thing Vriska is. For months.
(How long are they supposed to wait?)
The growing silence between texts is tense. Maybe a little worrisome. It's been a long day, and the resounding nothing they can do about this has hit him hard.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I won't forget it
[Whatever this is really for, it's meant to make an impression. A threat or a warning, a display of power. He won't forget it. No matter how long they have to wait and sit and take it. It's an injustice he'll pay back a thousandfold as soon as he has half a chance. For every one of their comrades who'd been wronged, (kidnapped, tortured, killed,) on the whims of their employers.]
it's ok!!!
Eren at a loss for words is something of a marvel. He rants and raves and yells and vents his feelings and generally isn't very quiet about anything he ever does. This is strange. It's unnerving. She doesn't like it.
She likes even less that seeing him like this makes her a little unhappy. ]
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
This is really getting to you, isn't it.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I know you won't forget it. The truth is that I also know you're not actually an idiot.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
You're a good person. So I know this must 8e eating you alive! Especially with your whole justice thing.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Look. I know I have 8een really shitty to you for a long time, and you haven't really deserved it? It's not like I don't get why you act the way you do.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
So I'm sorry for 8eing such a 8itch to you all this time.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
You'll get through this, Eren. Just like you've gotten through everything else.
no subject
It's really getting to him. A year of biting his tongue and bowing his head is getting to him. Eren feels very strongly, he wears his biases and his opinions on his sleeves, he has almost no emotional filter or armor when it really comes down to it. And even if it can drag him down some days, he's come to use that, weaponize it. What's wearing him down is not his hate. In the end, it boils down to being powerless. He can't stand it, can't abide it. There is nothing that he hates (or fears) more than being unable to change a damn thing while people are imprisoned, dying, while world crashes down around them.
He lets the messages ping one by one into his inbox until she's done—she's quick at it, and she likes to hear herself talk, he remembers from the few conversations they'd had before they'd put bad blood between them. She'd kept her distance, since then, and he hadn't gone out of his way to seek her out. It's gone on for months, because Vriska is proud and Eren is spiteful, and the friction that had sparked it was not petty to start.
He's not really mad at her anymore. He was not expecting an apology. It's unexpectedly candid and weirdly sort of sweet in a blunt way, and he doesn't quite have the social wherewithal to accept it gracefully. But he knocks his head back against the hull of his rover, huffs a breath out through his teeth. Takes a moment to expel his aggravation before he answers.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I'm not on the list, Vriska
[What he means is I'll be fine. With a third of the crew getting tortured half to death, she probably has better places to expend her worry.]
no subject
I know!
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Don't make this weird.
[ She's the one who made it weird... ]
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I guess I just wanted to say that stuff.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
8efore I fucked it all up, I thought of you as a friend. And I guess that hasn't really changed, at least for me.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
That was all I really had to say.
no subject
It's a funny sentiment to get, not least because Eren's actually really shit at making friends. (And thus greatly values the ones he has, does not let them go easy.) His general method is to go through enough terrible shit with someone until they end up with...something.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I'm not mad at you
[Not at her, not anymore. He's got a lot of other things to be mad about, and the situation that had put them at arms had been a real shit one. It was only later that he was given enough context to understand that, to decide she'd been wronged by the CDC the same as the victims of the exercise had been. Though by then the damage had been done.
A few months of bigger problems helps to cool off.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I was being an asshole. Forget it.
[She wasn't the only one being stubborn. He knows when to admit that, sometimes. (So yeah. Maybe they can try to be friends again. Or whatever they were before. Friends, or comrades, or...something.)]
no subject
Really?
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I guess I am sort of surprised to hear that. You struck me as the type of person to hold a grudge.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Hey........ can I tell you something? A8out that day. I was going to explain a lot sooner, 8ut I never really got a chance. Mostly 8ecause I was too pissed at you to 8other.
no subject
I didn't say I wasn't holding a grudge
[Just not against her, not anymore. Because the thing is, he is that type of person. But he's also particular about the grudges he holds. His focus is cast a lot wider than her. At the people who are really to blame for all this.
Whoever they really are. As for the rest—]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
what
no subject
........
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Hahahaha. Ok, point taken. I guess I'm just glad you're not still mad at me.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
You know how when we met up, I seemed distracted?
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I mean, I don't know what it looked like to you. I can only guess.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
Did you ever hear a8out what happened to some of the people who completed that mission? That they started hallucin8ing?
no subject
He hadn't heard. (Mikasa, she hadn't—
had she?)]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
hallucinating?
[As if to be sure he got it right. He has to guess around her quirk sometimes.]
no subject
Yeah. I ended up hearing a8out it from another recruit 8efore it happened to me, so I don't think we were the only ones to go through it.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I hallucin8ed a8out Noh-Varr for seventy-two str8 hours, Eren. Since I don't sleep I never got a 8r8k from it.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
When I met with you, I could see him! Sometimes just standing around and smiling. 8ut a lot of the things I experienced were his memories. Happy ones.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
It felt like a 8ig flashing sign in my face going "this is what you just ruined, you fuckup!"
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
I always wanted to tell you that was why I was acting so jumpy. I wasn't trying to get out of our conversation or anything like that.
FROM: serket.vriska@cdc.org
8ut it's hard to focus when your dead 8est friend is standing next to you and only you can see him.
no subject
He runs the conversation over again in his head. It was ages ago, but it had stuck with him. All of Ajna did.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
ok
[It doesn't come off as much, in response to all that text. But honestly, he appreciates her being straight with him. It isn't often that people make sure he gets the whole story. Even if it's taken months.
By way of a "thanks", and in some of his own odd measure of reassurance—]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
it won't happen again.
[The CDC can't keep ordering people to take their comrades out and expect it to fly. Blackmail or not, they won't stand for it. Not a second time.]