[Yeah, "Eren" and "careful" don't usually hang out in the same circles. And it doesn't take much exposure to him to catch on. He's got a very fierce desire to live, but it's no surprise the 104th took to calling him a suicidal bastard.]
I'm not a liar.
[He isn't. If anything, he's painfully earnest most of the time. He's fine, he heals. They're still figuring out what his limits are, the only real way they have to do it is trial and error. And he'd push past them a thousand times over again if he had to.]
[He's not really sure what to make of "I know your type." Because he's barely spoken to Big Boss at all, really, not about himself. The time they'd spent together in the lockdown had probably been the most they'd seen of each other in their whole stay on Ajna.
But what follows hits close enough to home that he doesn't bother arguing. He's seen his comrades die. He understands the necessity of it in a logical sort of way. But he still hates the thought of willingly leaving them behind.
It's the last line of the message that he chooses to respond to. After a lengthy pause—]
I can control it.
[He's still sort of working on it. He'll figure it out. He has to. (He hadn't lost control entirely, but it had been close, at the start, when the wound was freshest and the anger was strongest, feeding back through the titan to a fever pitch. He hasn't forgotten Trost, hearing in the courtroom what he'd tried to do to Mikasa. He still gets angry with himself sometimes, when he catches sight of the scar on her face.)]
Maybe you can control 'it', but what about yourself?
[ he's not sure about any of this, but it's not his place to ask--he only has his own impressions to go by. and going by them, it had been a dangerous, precarious situation, triggered by the death of his comrades.
it had been helpful in the long run. he just wonders if it'll always go like that.
either way, eren can stew on this for a while. ]
Anger is an acid. It's as harmful to yourself as it is to others. I'm not trying to lecture you, but it is something you should keep in mind. Whatever you do.
[For something that isn't supposed to be a lecture, it sure sounds like one.]
If you're telling me not to get angry you can give it up
[In the end "it" and "himself" are one and the same. At this point he can no sooner divorce his anger from himself than he can lose a limb. Maybe it'll be diminished for a short time, but it'll be back in full force before long. It's such a part of him, it's given him drive and purpose, and that's always been his greatest weapon. (He can't get rid of it, he just needs to learn to manage it. It's too late for anything else.) It's when he doesn't know where to focus it that he feels like he's choking on it.
Like right now. He isn't actually very mad at the instructors. But he's mad at the CDC for kidnapping and threatening people into this. At the bird things that had come and killed his comrades. At himself for failing to protect them. The CDC brass is too faceless, too far away to rail against. The harpies are dead.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I'm not a liar.
[He isn't. If anything, he's painfully earnest most of the time. He's fine, he heals. They're still figuring out what his limits are, the only real way they have to do it is trial and error. And he'd push past them a thousand times over again if he had to.]
I'm not going to die here.
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[ the stubborn, angry, self destructive type.
his type. ]
Just don't forget that you have a family here, and a responsibility.
People will die. Your comrades will die. Survive for their sake. Sometimes, that means you'll have to leave them behind, as difficult as that is.
Whatever happened back there could have gone wrong. More people could have died, had you not listened.
[ so its a good thing bb was around, he thinks. but he wont always be. ]
no subject
But what follows hits close enough to home that he doesn't bother arguing. He's seen his comrades die. He understands the necessity of it in a logical sort of way. But he still hates the thought of willingly leaving them behind.
It's the last line of the message that he chooses to respond to. After a lengthy pause—]
I can control it.
[He's still sort of working on it. He'll figure it out. He has to. (He hadn't lost control entirely, but it had been close, at the start, when the wound was freshest and the anger was strongest, feeding back through the titan to a fever pitch. He hasn't forgotten Trost, hearing in the courtroom what he'd tried to do to Mikasa. He still gets angry with himself sometimes, when he catches sight of the scar on her face.)]
no subject
[ he's not sure about any of this, but it's not his place to ask--he only has his own impressions to go by. and going by them, it had been a dangerous, precarious situation, triggered by the death of his comrades.
it had been helpful in the long run. he just wonders if it'll always go like that.
either way, eren can stew on this for a while. ]
Anger is an acid. It's as harmful to yourself as it is to others. I'm not trying to lecture you, but it is something you should keep in mind. Whatever you do.
no subject
If you're telling me not to get angry you can give it up
[In the end "it" and "himself" are one and the same. At this point he can no sooner divorce his anger from himself than he can lose a limb. Maybe it'll be diminished for a short time, but it'll be back in full force before long. It's such a part of him, it's given him drive and purpose, and that's always been his greatest weapon. (He can't get rid of it, he just needs to learn to manage it. It's too late for anything else.) It's when he doesn't know where to focus it that he feels like he's choking on it.
Like right now. He isn't actually very mad at the instructors. But he's mad at the CDC for kidnapping and threatening people into this. At the bird things that had come and killed his comrades. At himself for failing to protect them. The CDC brass is too faceless, too far away to rail against. The harpies are dead.]
I'm not just going to ignore what's going on
no subject
Not telling you to. I just wanted you to be aware that it's a double-edged sword. You know?
That goes for everyone. I hate what's going on, but seeing people hurt I hate more. That includes you.
[ you don't always get to choose your comrades. and big boss has very intense feelings about his nakama. ]
You ever want to get something off your chest, come talk to me. People tell me I'm a good listener, if nothing else. Take care.