[Telling Eren Jaeger to just accept something he doesn't like and move on doesn't have a great track record of going over smoothly.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
still sounds like bullshit to me.
[Fuck your weird ghost bullshit, he doesn't want to hear it. He's stubborn. He kind of likes Vriska, in a weird way. And even if it's apparently long over (I was murdered. she can't see his expression sharpen, his teeth grit, his temper flare a bit in a frustratingly aimless and futile way,) he doesn't like to stand for the deaths of the people he likes. Even, apparently, if it happened before they'd ever even met. But she walks and talks (boy does she talk) and thinks and acts. How is it any different from the CDC bringing her back here alive?]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
You're here now. You're still talking to me. You make your own decisions, and you fight. And if you die you'll be gone. How's that any different from being alive?
01 That's 8ecause it is complete 8ullshit, Eren. 8ut that doesn't make it any less true!
[ But his second text completely holds her up. Enough to make her lower her communicator and stare at the ceiling of the medical tent for several minutes in contemplative silence. It's something she's wondered herself, from time to time. At least at home, the consequences of death were real and constant. Banishment to the Furthest Ring and a total inability to interact with the world of the living except obliquely, except by freak chance - those had been shackles she'd chafed against every second of every moment of the infinite span of eternity. The consequences for fucking up and letting Terezi kill her had been palpable then.
Now ... what difference did it make? From day one she's interacted with the living, moved and worked and fought alongside them, from the moment she'd told that recruiter yes. It was like the day she signed up with the CDC, all the consequences that came with dying had been voided. The punishments lifted. If it looks like it's alive, and talks like it's alive--
Is it alive?
All she's got to show for her ghosty state now is her stupid eyes and the fact that she doesn't technically need to breathe. Or eat. Or sleep. Or mundane shit like that. But she's no longer held back by being dead.
And even now she's not sure why, or what that really means. ]
02 That is a good question, though. And I have thought a8out it a lot. 8ack home, there were real consequences for dying. Mostly in that I was 8arred from ever interacting with the living, except in very special circumstances!
03 8ut that is not the case here. I am pretty certain I'm the only dead person around here. You know, like, actively dead or whatever. 8ut it's like it doesn't matter!
04 I don't know whether I feel relieved or unnerved.
05 I have always 8een one for 8r8king rules, but this was one I was never a8le to 8r8k on my own. What does it say that not only could the CDC completely circumvent it, 8ut do it so easily?
06 It feels sort of pedantic to insist on this stuff now, but there are other things that set me apart. I don't need to sleep, or eat, or even breathe. I do all of those things, 8ut really only 8ecause I want to, and it's familiar.
07 8ut for all other intents and purposes, you are right. I might as well 8e alive.
08 When you've 8een dead for as long as I have, that is kind of a 8ig fucking deal! I guess I don't really know how to handle it. I don't think a8out it a lot.
[Wow that's a whole lot of text. He'd started on a reply maybe three times before losing his patience with getting interrupted and tossing his blackglass out onto the surface of his bunk until it stopped pinging at him.
So, a handful of seconds slower than usual (already pretty slow) texing speed, and as if it's the simplest thing in the world:]
So don't die again. as long as you're still alive you can figure it out.
[And he says "alive" here, even if she's got her weird ghosty deal. The point is she's living, and that's enough for now. Dealing comes after surviving.]
[Several people would probably say that's a bad bet to make with Eren "Suicidal Bastard" Jaeger. But he's got a pretty good track record for staying alive so far. (Better than hers, apparently.)
It isn't exactly what he was expecting. Bemused, he pauses a moment before answering.]
Wasn't planning on it. I've got too much to do to die in a place like this.
[Too many scores to settle. Too much responsibility resting on his shoulders. A race of monsters to eradicate and a human race to free and a world of his own to see.]
[And he's under no illusions. They're big dreams. That's not going to stop him from pursuing them. He's got titans to kill, walls to escape, a world to see. And, after a moment.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I've got people counting on me. I need to make it worth it.
[The whole of humanity. Or at least, what's left of it. Personal dreams and vendettas aside. He can't die, because there are people who have died for him, and he needs to make sure that it wasn't in vain. Because humanity is pinning their last hopes on him, and he intends on living up to that responsibility. He takes it all pretty damn seriously.]
01 Spoken like a true hero. Not that I'd expect much else at this point.
02 8efore you say anything, it's a compliment.
03 Tell me a8out it, Eren. What it is you need to do.
[ To Vriska, Eren is a fascinating person. He's someone who gets pissed on her behalf when she's wronged or hurt, even when she brought it on herself - and he's someone who will unflinchingly tell her to counter poison the one who poisoned her first. He's ruthless, but in a baldly practical way she's just not used to. Especially because he isn't in any way a cruel or selfish person. Capable of viciousness? Sure. But fundamentally malicious?
It strikes her that he's probably the exact opposite. He reads to her very much like a genuinely good person. And that's what surprises her the most. That someone "good" can have no qualms with telling her to get potentially lethal revenge.
But then again, he's a survivor. Of course he'd tell her that.
So she's very curious to know just what it is - what kind of world, what kind of life - that builds a person like Eren Jaeger. ]
[He'd saved the city during the invasion of Trost, but it wasn't all his doing. It was Armin's plan, there were dozens of soldiers who sacrificed their lives in order for him to pull it off. (He'd nearly killed Mikasa in the process.) For every person who might consider him a hero or a savior there's another who considers him a liability, a threat, a monster.
It takes him a little while to figure a way to answer. Not because it's something he's overly conflicted about, but because typing it all out is still, y'know, sort of weird. But he's been here long enough to know that the situation back home is not a typical one. And that's not a bad thing by any means, but it does mean he's getting used to needing to (and mostly failing to) explain it. At least he's one of the few Shingekis who has little problem running his mouth about titans.]
back home humanity has been hunted almost to extinction by monsters
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
they're called titans. people say they're our natural predators. for a hundred years we've been hiding like cattle behind walls to survive.
[And that's unacceptable. Tone is hard for him to convey through text, but if she tries maybe she can imagine the right amount of angry scorn in his voice.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I'm going to wipe them all out
[And it's not that he's the Only One who can do anything about it. But there's no denying he's sort of a special case. The tides turned after Trost, he has to be a symbol of hope for humanity, regardless. He's got a heavy sense of responsibility, even putting aside his biases and his vendettas.]
[Everyone back home knows what it means to be a Shiganshina survivor. Anyone who knew Eren in training knew just how seriously he takes it. Explaining why it might be that way is strange. It's survival. Why wouldn't it be personal?
He can remember talking to her about titans briefly, way back at the rendezvous. But he'd never gotten into it much, back then. It's sort of frustrating, because he never really seems to be able to convey just how big a deal they are. How important it is that they fight back. People here don't understand what it's like. And that's not a bad thing. But there's no amount of text that can get across the right amount of burning hate for the subject at hand.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
They're vermin. They need to be exterminated from the world. I'll kill every last one of them for what they've done.
[To humanity. (To him.) Vriska, you have no idea how personal it is. Eren's always been incredibly determined to free humanity from the walls. But watching your mother get eaten alive and your hometown get overrun and your comrades get slaughtered has a way of turning a grudge into a vendetta.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
If we don't fight back we won't stand a chance. Humanity will be wiped out instead. I'm not letting that happen.
[They're under attack. They can't hide forever. You fight to survive. If you don't fight, you don't stand a chance. And if things are similar for her back home, she can understand that, can't she? Vriska doesn't strike him as the type to go belly up.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I am not alive, Eren. I was murdered! And 8oy did I ever stay dead after that.
02
The CDC did not 8ring me 8ack. Death has weird rules where I come from. Just 8ecause you're dead doesn't mean you're out of the game.
03
Though I still haven't figured out how the recruiter found me. ::::\ It should have 8een impossi8le.
04
8ut the point stands! I am a ghost. You should just accept it and move on!
05
When I talk a8out almost dying, what I mean is permanent death, like I said. There 8n't no coming 8ack from that.
no subject
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
still sounds like bullshit to me.
[Fuck your weird ghost bullshit, he doesn't want to hear it. He's stubborn. He kind of likes Vriska, in a weird way. And even if it's apparently long over (I was murdered. she can't see his expression sharpen, his teeth grit, his temper flare a bit in a frustratingly aimless and futile way,) he doesn't like to stand for the deaths of the people he likes. Even, apparently, if it happened before they'd ever even met. But she walks and talks (boy does she talk) and thinks and acts. How is it any different from the CDC bringing her back here alive?]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
You're here now. You're still talking to me. You make your own decisions, and you fight. And if you die you'll be gone. How's that any different from being alive?
no subject
That's 8ecause it is complete 8ullshit, Eren. 8ut that doesn't make it any less true!
[ But his second text completely holds her up. Enough to make her lower her communicator and stare at the ceiling of the medical tent for several minutes in contemplative silence. It's something she's wondered herself, from time to time. At least at home, the consequences of death were real and constant. Banishment to the Furthest Ring and a total inability to interact with the world of the living except obliquely, except by freak chance - those had been shackles she'd chafed against every second of every moment of the infinite span of eternity. The consequences for fucking up and letting Terezi kill her had been palpable then.
Now ... what difference did it make? From day one she's interacted with the living, moved and worked and fought alongside them, from the moment she'd told that recruiter yes. It was like the day she signed up with the CDC, all the consequences that came with dying had been voided. The punishments lifted. If it looks like it's alive, and talks like it's alive--
Is it alive?
All she's got to show for her ghosty state now is her stupid eyes and the fact that she doesn't technically need to breathe. Or eat. Or sleep. Or mundane shit like that. But she's no longer held back by being dead.
And even now she's not sure why, or what that really means. ]
02
That is a good question, though. And I have thought a8out it a lot. 8ack home, there were real consequences for dying. Mostly in that I was 8arred from ever interacting with the living, except in very special circumstances!
03
8ut that is not the case here. I am pretty certain I'm the only dead person around here. You know, like, actively dead or whatever. 8ut it's like it doesn't matter!
04
I don't know whether I feel relieved or unnerved.
05
I have always 8een one for 8r8king rules, but this was one I was never a8le to 8r8k on my own. What does it say that not only could the CDC completely circumvent it, 8ut do it so easily?
06
It feels sort of pedantic to insist on this stuff now, but there are other things that set me apart. I don't need to sleep, or eat, or even breathe. I do all of those things, 8ut really only 8ecause I want to, and it's familiar.
07
8ut for all other intents and purposes, you are right. I might as well 8e alive.
08
When you've 8een dead for as long as I have, that is kind of a 8ig fucking deal! I guess I don't really know how to handle it. I don't think a8out it a lot.
no subject
So, a handful of seconds slower than usual (already pretty slow) texing speed, and as if it's the simplest thing in the world:]
So don't die again. as long as you're still alive you can figure it out.
[And he says "alive" here, even if she's got her weird ghosty deal. The point is she's living, and that's enough for now. Dealing comes after surviving.]
no subject
After a moment's consideration, she decides it's one of his more endearing qualities. ]
01
Spoken like a true survivor!
I will do my 8est. 8esides, moping is for weaky lame little wigglers, which I'm definitely not! That shit's for the flap8easts.
02
8ut I am going to need you to hold up your end of the 8argain here, Eren!
[ What bargain? ]
no subject
Okay he understood most of that but wigglers? Flap8easts....? Also—]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
bargain?
no subject
Yeah! We're making this a deal, now. If I can't die, then neither can you! Got it?
no subject
It isn't exactly what he was expecting. Bemused, he pauses a moment before answering.]
Wasn't planning on it. I've got too much to do to die in a place like this.
[Too many scores to settle. Too much responsibility resting on his shoulders. A race of monsters to eradicate and a human race to free and a world of his own to see.]
no subject
You've got 8ig goals, huh?
no subject
[And he's under no illusions. They're big dreams. That's not going to stop him from pursuing them. He's got titans to kill, walls to escape, a world to see. And, after a moment.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I've got people counting on me. I need to make it worth it.
[The whole of humanity. Or at least, what's left of it. Personal dreams and vendettas aside. He can't die, because there are people who have died for him, and he needs to make sure that it wasn't in vain. Because humanity is pinning their last hopes on him, and he intends on living up to that responsibility. He takes it all pretty damn seriously.]
no subject
Spoken like a true hero. Not that I'd expect much else at this point.
02
8efore you say anything, it's a compliment.
03
Tell me a8out it, Eren. What it is you need to do.
[ To Vriska, Eren is a fascinating person. He's someone who gets pissed on her behalf when she's wronged or hurt, even when she brought it on herself - and he's someone who will unflinchingly tell her to counter poison the one who poisoned her first. He's ruthless, but in a baldly practical way she's just not used to. Especially because he isn't in any way a cruel or selfish person. Capable of viciousness? Sure. But fundamentally malicious?
It strikes her that he's probably the exact opposite. He reads to her very much like a genuinely good person. And that's what surprises her the most. That someone "good" can have no qualms with telling her to get potentially lethal revenge.
But then again, he's a survivor. Of course he'd tell her that.
So she's very curious to know just what it is - what kind of world, what kind of life - that builds a person like Eren Jaeger. ]
no subject
It takes him a little while to figure a way to answer. Not because it's something he's overly conflicted about, but because typing it all out is still, y'know, sort of weird. But he's been here long enough to know that the situation back home is not a typical one. And that's not a bad thing by any means, but it does mean he's getting used to needing to (and mostly failing to) explain it. At least he's one of the few Shingekis who has little problem running his mouth about titans.]
back home humanity has been hunted almost to extinction by monsters
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
they're called titans. people say they're our natural predators. for a hundred years we've been hiding like cattle behind walls to survive.
[And that's unacceptable. Tone is hard for him to convey through text, but if she tries maybe she can imagine the right amount of angry scorn in his voice.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I'm going to wipe them all out
[And it's not that he's the Only One who can do anything about it. But there's no denying he's sort of a special case. The tides turned after Trost, he has to be a symbol of hope for humanity, regardless. He's got a heavy sense of responsibility, even putting aside his biases and his vendettas.]
no subject
Wow. So humanity is almost extinct where you come from? That is not too different from my situation 8ack home.
02
You make that sound personal, Eren! Killing them all.
[ This is fascinating. What sort of creatures can humans really be? ]
no subject
He can remember talking to her about titans briefly, way back at the rendezvous. But he'd never gotten into it much, back then. It's sort of frustrating, because he never really seems to be able to convey just how big a deal they are. How important it is that they fight back. People here don't understand what it's like. And that's not a bad thing. But there's no amount of text that can get across the right amount of burning hate for the subject at hand.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
They're vermin. They need to be exterminated from the world. I'll kill every last one of them for what they've done.
[To humanity. (To him.) Vriska, you have no idea how personal it is. Eren's always been incredibly determined to free humanity from the walls. But watching your mother get eaten alive and your hometown get overrun and your comrades get slaughtered has a way of turning a grudge into a vendetta.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
If we don't fight back we won't stand a chance. Humanity will be wiped out instead. I'm not letting that happen.
[They're under attack. They can't hide forever. You fight to survive. If you don't fight, you don't stand a chance. And if things are similar for her back home, she can understand that, can't she? Vriska doesn't strike him as the type to go belly up.]