[To be honest, that's something of a relief. Because Eren's changed a lot in the CDC, maybe not entirely for the better. Learned a lot and adjusted a lot and survived this long because he's bowed his head enough to follow orders, but not that much. He might be bad at covert ops and subtlety by nature, but he'd vehemently draw the line at snitching (or killing his comrades) for the CDC, and he's fast running out of authority figures to talk sense into him.
(Jean's on yellow, though. There's a clench in his gut that he pushes down to answer—)]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org no.
[It's more concerning as an overall bad news for the crew that Honey's taking the reins at all. He never tends to get overly worried over himself. Even when he probably should be. There's still enough on Red's roster he's bristling at. (Assassinations, on order. It's not that Eren hasn't killed before, doesn't see it as necessary or justified, sometimes. But the justified part is important to him.)]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org I didn't make it this far to go belly up
[Planets have died so that he could keep living. That's all useless if he gives up now.]
[ Justified is a word that has no meaning in her vocabulary. Even if she recognizes its worth to humans, a way to call something terrible by the best of names, she knows that those who earnestly believes in justice are tying a great weight around their ankles. That will prove his downfall.
Or it would prove his glory. She's curious to know which way the tide will turn. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Good.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
I can show you the ropes if you want. Saves Honey some trouble, hm?
[Odds are split, really. But divorcing his sense of justice from himself is a line he still can't bring himself to cross. It'll be one or the other, one day.
There's a beat, before he answers. Like he's considering it. (Or else wondering what the hell the ropes would entail. Or if she's just jerking him around. Amber's always been sort of puzzling to him.)
In the end, it's just not in his nature to back down easy. He has no interest in saving Honey trouble. He has a hell of a lot of interest in keeping (himself, his comrades, his species) alive.
You get stronger, you fight, you live. You have to make the choice to do that. So, inevitably—]
[ You survive, you figure things out, you find out how to bring them down-- or work with them if it suits you.
Amber has always been pragmatic. But she also believes there's more to him. He's braver than her. More foolish, but that may be what carries him through, too. ]
[It doesn't suit him. He's doing it anyway, because the only other choice is no choice at all. Maybe he would have considered himself a coward for it, a few years ago. Maybe he still does. But that's how things are, right now. Realistically.
Being pragmatic and being idealistic aren't things that coexist happily. Nothing about this has been easy for him.
At length—]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org ok
[Wether or not he'll be able to take her advice—to fit it into his worldview and his habits—remains to be seen. But he'll make that call when it comes to it. For as stubborn a soul as he is, Eren has never been a stagnant one.]
[ Pragmatism and idealism can only coexist in a person at the cost of breaking them. Amber thinks she has seen it happen firsthand, but hopes it doesn't have to be so for him. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
I'm jogging around the facility. We're bound to meet if you hang out by the entrance.
[The facility is big—bigger and more established than any other rendezvous or CDC supply they've been given on a mission, and he's still working at figuring out what it means.
It's also only so big. What it means right now is that even if he doesn't answer her message, it's quick work to push past the low buzz of busy and unfamiliar CDC personnel to the gates to test her theory. And he does, leaning against the side of the facility and facing the dam, frowning down into the new red light of his cuff as he skims through Honey's list again to make sense of it.]
[ Routine is a good way to keep one's sanity in a place where nothing ever stays the same. Comrades come and go. Some die, others transferred to more perilous assignments and new faces arrive every other week. Even the Instructors aren't here to stay. Amber wouldn't admit that Armada's wordless departure was troubling. No, not upsetting. Let's settle at troubling.
She doesn't slow her pace until she nears her starting and now her end point, right in front of the gate, only to walk slower and quieter that she might try to surprise him with a tap on the shoulder. ]
[It's troubling. Eren had not been exactly friendly with the instructors, had engaged them near-strictly for information (or arguments.) Because he had no interest in building a loyalty to the CDC, and trusting the brass to be more than that is hard when all they do is speak in riddles.
(Though Warriorhead had said and done some pointed things that had given him pause, made him wonder.)
But he's not stupid enough not to find the timing fishy as hell. He remembers Amber offering to ask Honey why she killed Dagger, if she saw her before he did. Back on Aquada, when Honey had been her instructor but not yet Eren's as well. Turns out there was no need, Honey bragged it out loud before either of them got to the post. (Turned traitor. Working with protesters, rebels.) He's reading that particular conversation over again with a habitual amount of laser-focus. A furrowed brow and a tense jaw and little regard to anyone who might be trying to (succeeding to) sneak up on him.
His reaction is swift. A little jagged, if not explosive. He's always sort of strung tight, these days.
His shoulders pull stiff when she taps them, fingers curling closed over his cuff as his hands pull into fists. His head snaps up, expression set in a reflexive scowl that smooths out to confusion as her voice registers.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
As it says on the tin.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
But it seems internal concerns is Yellow's turf now. Scared?
no subject
(Jean's on yellow, though. There's a clench in his gut that he pushes down to answer—)]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
no.
[It's more concerning as an overall bad news for the crew that Honey's taking the reins at all. He never tends to get overly worried over himself. Even when he probably should be. There's still enough on Red's roster he's bristling at. (Assassinations, on order. It's not that Eren hasn't killed before, doesn't see it as necessary or justified, sometimes. But the justified part is important to him.)]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
I didn't make it this far to go belly up
[Planets have died so that he could keep living. That's all useless if he gives up now.]
no subject
Or it would prove his glory. She's curious to know which way the tide will turn. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Good.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
I can show you the ropes if you want. Saves Honey some trouble, hm?
no subject
There's a beat, before he answers. Like he's considering it. (Or else wondering what the hell the ropes would entail. Or if she's just jerking him around. Amber's always been sort of puzzling to him.)
In the end, it's just not in his nature to back down easy. He has no interest in saving Honey trouble. He has a hell of a lot of interest in keeping (himself, his comrades, his species) alive.
You get stronger, you fight, you live. You have to make the choice to do that. So, inevitably—]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
now?
[He does.]
no subject
Amber has always been pragmatic. But she also believes there's more to him. He's braver than her. More foolish, but that may be what carries him through, too. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Sure. There's no line or anything.
no subject
Being pragmatic and being idealistic aren't things that coexist happily. Nothing about this has been easy for him.
At length—]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
ok
[Wether or not he'll be able to take her advice—to fit it into his worldview and his habits—remains to be seen. But he'll make that call when it comes to it. For as stubborn a soul as he is, Eren has never been a stagnant one.]
no subject
FROM: amber@cdc.org
I'm jogging around the facility. We're bound to meet if you hang out by the entrance.
no subject
It's also only so big. What it means right now is that even if he doesn't answer her message, it's quick work to push past the low buzz of busy and unfamiliar CDC personnel to the gates to test her theory. And he does, leaning against the side of the facility and facing the dam, frowning down into the new red light of his cuff as he skims through Honey's list again to make sense of it.]
no subject
She doesn't slow her pace until she nears her starting and now her end point, right in front of the gate, only to walk slower and quieter that she might try to surprise him with a tap on the shoulder. ]
Boo.
no subject
(Though Warriorhead had said and done some pointed things that had given him pause, made him wonder.)
But he's not stupid enough not to find the timing fishy as hell. He remembers Amber offering to ask Honey why she killed Dagger, if she saw her before he did. Back on Aquada, when Honey had been her instructor but not yet Eren's as well. Turns out there was no need, Honey bragged it out loud before either of them got to the post. (Turned traitor. Working with protesters, rebels.) He's reading that particular conversation over again with a habitual amount of laser-focus. A furrowed brow and a tense jaw and little regard to anyone who might be trying to (succeeding to) sneak up on him.
His reaction is swift. A little jagged, if not explosive. He's always sort of strung tight, these days.
His shoulders pull stiff when she taps them, fingers curling closed over his cuff as his hands pull into fists. His head snaps up, expression set in a reflexive scowl that smooths out to confusion as her voice registers.]
What the hell, Amber?
[Just say hello like a normal person.]