FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org Yeah yeah we have to read between the lines and put something believable together ourselves
[the anger just made that---]
[that was part of the point. something he understood well on an intellectual level, but pulling in emotions during a stressful moment was an entirely different story. as Eren may, coincidentally, understand. thus, it's only after a pause that:]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org So, what. Did the instructors not even have a choice? Did they have a quota to meet?
[Yeah, yeah, indeed. It's the sort of crap he's gotten used to hearing from Warriorhead, about what Orange is meant to do in the grand scheme of the crew. (Watch and listen and put it together. Find your own answers instead of expecting simple responses to your questions.) In some ways, Eren's gotten better at biting back his kneejerk reactions, trying to see between the lines instead of brute force through them. But progress is...slow. Some things are constant.
So it takes some burning out of his frustrations for him to feel his way around that question. Do they have choices, quotas, appearances or orders? What about this isn't normal.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org they didn't apologize before
[Not usually, not that he can remember. Not the last time this happened. Not when Gliese threw Vriska into a mountain, or when Optimus was killed.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org what do you think he meant by hero types
[Maybe Hinata doesn't know Dagger any better than he does. But Eren's brief personal contact with him doesn't leave him with a lot to work with.]
[never had they apologized. Gliese had for a few of the softer spoken people after the mission-related deaths, he thinks--- but maybe he'd imagined it. he'd have to look back. later, later.]
[right now:]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org People who still care
[had to be. still, because who knew what changed a few people's minds. Kotetsu, Peter Parker, those who had once told him they were heroes: he didn't know if they were planning, but the lack of even a whisper made him think not. it could be another case of him not being bright enough to pick up on it, but-- as always, he hoped not.]
[except he should've hoped so. should've. smart people silenced whispers. selfishness: human, irrational, petty. not the point.]
[frustration bit too deep to drop it. think. hero types. those angered, those frustrated, those who say senseless pain and felt they couldn't do a thing about it...]
[breathe. think.]
Those with morals and those who see this as senseless and think they can change it and maybe get themselves killed by trying to change it. Isn't that what heroes do?
[Had she? He tends not to read too far into the Captain's conversations, because they tend to be the ones that come at the worst times, set him off the hardest until he's whiteknuckling his blackglass and too angry to type. Either way, this is different from a casualty list. By all rights, if it's a punishment they're enacting, they ought to believe it's justified. Why else do it.
(Or else see it as senseless and think they can change it and too often get themselves killed in the process. That's what he'd always admired and respected the Survey Corps for. That's what heroes do.)]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org yeah, they do
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org then why did he apologize
[It's a sticking point. It doesn't make sense. Parker thinks it was insincere. But why bother?]
[that was the problem. they never knew, never could guess, never could put any pieces together.]
[that was the problem, that was their control, and it made him restless and frustrated and so, so tired, especially in the parts where there was nothing at all. so then why had Dagger apologized?]
[why any of it?]
[it couldn't be Macha in general - this may as well have been routine, with how the instructors acted. if it was the orders, if it was the missions, if it was... what? as far as he knew, they all just gathered intel. compared to setting bombs around the villages, it shoul--]
[oh.]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org Maybe it's not about the punishments. Maybe it's something that's coming up.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah yeah we have to read between the lines and put something believable together ourselves
[the anger just made that---]
[that was part of the point. something he understood well on an intellectual level, but pulling in emotions during a stressful moment was an entirely different story. as Eren may, coincidentally, understand. thus, it's only after a pause that:]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
So, what. Did the instructors not even have a choice? Did they have a quota to meet?
no subject
So it takes some burning out of his frustrations for him to feel his way around that question. Do they have choices, quotas, appearances or orders? What about this isn't normal.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
they didn't apologize before
[Not usually, not that he can remember. Not the last time this happened. Not when Gliese threw Vriska into a mountain, or when Optimus was killed.]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
what do you think he meant by hero types
[Maybe Hinata doesn't know Dagger any better than he does. But Eren's brief personal contact with him doesn't leave him with a lot to work with.]
no subject
[right now:]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
People who still care
[had to be. still, because who knew what changed a few people's minds. Kotetsu, Peter Parker, those who had once told him they were heroes: he didn't know if they were planning, but the lack of even a whisper made him think not. it could be another case of him not being bright enough to pick up on it, but-- as always, he hoped not.]
[except he should've hoped so. should've. smart people silenced whispers. selfishness: human, irrational, petty. not the point.]
[frustration bit too deep to drop it. think. hero types. those angered, those frustrated, those who say senseless pain and felt they couldn't do a thing about it...]
[breathe. think.]
Those with morals and those who see this as senseless and think they can change it and maybe get themselves killed by trying to change it. Isn't that what heroes do?
no subject
(Or else see it as senseless and think they can change it and too often get themselves killed in the process. That's what he'd always admired and respected the Survey Corps for. That's what heroes do.)]
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
yeah, they do
FROM: jaeger.eren@cdc.org
then why did he apologize
[It's a sticking point. It doesn't make sense. Parker thinks it was insincere. But why bother?]
no subject
I don't know
[that was the problem. they never knew, never could guess, never could put any pieces together.]
[that was the problem, that was their control, and it made him restless and frustrated and so, so tired, especially in the parts where there was nothing at all. so then why had Dagger apologized?]
[why any of it?]
[it couldn't be Macha in general - this may as well have been routine, with how the instructors acted. if it was the orders, if it was the missions, if it was... what? as far as he knew, they all just gathered intel. compared to setting bombs around the villages, it shoul--]
[oh.]
FROM: hinata.shouyou@cdc.org
Maybe it's not about the punishments. Maybe it's something that's coming up.